What if one or both of us has been married before?

You might think that your first marriage was preparation in itself, but every relationship is unique, and preparing for marriage together can make a real difference. Your needs will be different from those on the verge of marriage for the first time, but the tools and support offered through the various marriage preparation courses we recommend will prove just as valuable to you.

You might like to try 21st Century Marriage, a DVD-based course aimed at people who have already been together for some time. If you or your partner have children, you might be interested in From This Step Forward, a marriage preparation course designed especially for couples where a stepfamily will be formed.

What if we've been living together for ages?

After attending The Marriage Preparation Course, one couple told us: Although we had been going out together for 4½ years and thought we knew everything that there was to know about each other, we learnt so much and benefited from it immensely.  In our experience, any of the marriage preparation courses we recommend will be useful to you, even if you have been living together for a while. 21st Century Marriage is a DVD-based course that is particularly suitable for couples who have already been together for some time.

What if we have children?

You might be interested in From This Step Forward, a course designed especially for couples where one or both partners has children from a previous relationship. You can run this course from your own home, or you can ask your local NCSN co-ordinator if it is being facilitated in your area. Specifically designed for new stepfamilies, it's definitely worth a look.

How much does it cost?

The cost of a marriage preparation course led by a facilitator will vary, according to your area and the course you are taking part in. However, all of these courses are designed to be affordable and charges are made to cover costs and not for profit. There are also plenty of resources available to help you to prepare for marriage as a couple at home, or with a small group. You can find details of these on our Courses page and our Books and DVDs page, with prices and links to online sellers.

Will I be asked to talk?

Only to your partner! Most courses include some elements of discussion or couple exercises, but this will always take the form of private conversations between you and your partner. None of the courses involve group work, and you will not be required to speak in front of a group. Every effort is made to create a comfortable, informal environment where you can relax and talk with your partner without anyone listening in.

How private is it?

Each course varies. Sometimes it might be just yourselves and the course facilitator, perhaps in your home or theirs. In some areas, courses will be run for a small group of couples. If there are a number of couples attending the same course, every effort is made to give each couple enough private space to discuss issues without being overheard. Of course, you can also use course material yourselves in your own home, which is as private as it gets!

Isn't it just for people with problems?

Absolutely not! Relationships are complex, and it makes sense to invest some time to prepare for marriage. Many couples approaching marriage are madly in love and feel that nothing could ever go wrong in their relationship. Others approach with caution, aware of the statistics of broken marriages, or carrying a personal experience of a marriage that didn't last. Whatever your situation, there are skills we can all learn to help us to get the most out of marriage. Marriage preparation will help you to understand yourself and your partner better, and equip you to turn your differences into strengths, to communicate well, have healthy arguments, and strengthen your relationship for whatever lies ahead. Studies show that couples who prepare for marriage have a much greater chance of having a marriage that lasts a lifetime. And it's fun!

What can I expect?

Every course is different. If you attend a course led by facilitators, such as The Marriage Preparation Course, you can expect a warm welcome, and probably some food and drink. There will be a short talk or a video, some questions or exercises, and a chance to talk privately with your partner about your responses to the issues that have been raised. And of course, you can expect to hear practical advice, honest stories from real marriages, and skills that can equip you for a happy, life-long marriage! If you decide to prepare for marriage with a book or DVD-based course at home, you are always welcome to contact your local co-ordinator for more information, advice or support.

What follow-up is there?

If you use a relationship inventory, you will be contacted by a practitioner or support couple who will arrange to meet you to discuss your results, and any questions you might have. If you attend a course, most Co-ordinators will be able to advise you of other courses, events or networks in your area, and will happy for you to keep in touch if you wish to. If, after you get married, you decide you would like some more advice, The Family Life department at Holy Trinity Brompton also run The Marriage Course, which is delivered by Marriage Advisors across the UK. See the Find a Course page for more details. You will also find more information and ongoing support for your marriage at Care for the Family. Visit our Care for the Family and Looking at Life websites for more information.

I'm interested! What should I do next?

First, check out our Courses page to find a course that best suits your needs. Be sure to take a look at the Books and DVDs, too. Then go to our Find a Course page and search by county for your nearest National Couple Support Network (NCSN) co-ordinator or Marriage Advisor. Next, get in touch! Email your local co-ordinator, who will tell you if there is a course running in your area, and who will be able to give you information about other resources that you might be interested. If there is no-one available in your area, then please get in touch with NCSN! You'll find our details on the Contact Us page.